The Greatest of Danes
I have had some amazing dogs in my life and have been lucky to have most of them teach me a thing or two about being human. Some of them were disobedient toddlers who would never obey a command, but brought humor to my world. Others were the most loyal companions, never leaving my side, always listening, which brought compassion into my life. Still others were obedient and quick learners, able to do every trick in the book eagerly, which taught me discipline.
Then there were the greatest of Danes, Atticus and Delilah. They were Fawn colored Great Danes given to me by one of the bikers who frequented the bar I worked in at night, while attending HS during the day. I have no idea what possessed me to say yes to taking them, other than their forlorn faces and my need for company of some kind. So, without thinking, I said "Yes, I will take them."
The fortunate part of the story is my apartment at the time was directly across from the HS, which allowed me to dash home and check on them when I had a break between my classes. I also had some really amazing teachers and administrators, who knew I was living on my own, working in a bar at night, and doing my best to finish HS, so there was a great deal of cooperation from them when I needed to check on the pups.
At night, I took them to work with me and watched the rough and touch bikers turn into small kids as they played with and laughed at the pup's antics. I was also able to elicit some dog sitters from the crowd when I had an away basketball game or other event that took me out of town. It was a small community that bonded over the dogs and turned into a mish-mosh family of misfits who wanted to watch the pups grow.
The bikers from that dive bar brought in dog food and helped pay for vet bills, watched them when I was out of town, and called me to check on them on my days off. I didn't know how much food they could go through in a day, so I am grateful I had those amazing people in my life
The pups grew and grew some more and before I knew it, I had a giant Great Dane, Atticus, who on hind legs was about 7.5 ft tall and weighed around 200 lbs. Delilah was close to 6 ft on hind legs and weighed close to 150 lbs. Imagine my 5' 4" ft. tall self walking 350 lbs of dog. It was entertaining for most people.
One of the tricks Atticus would perform was standing behind me, getting up on his hind legs and placing his front paws on my shoulder. He would then walk behind me like he was doing the conga line. Delilah just stared at us from her corner of the room.
Atticus and Delilah moved with me when I moved into my first partner's house, they went to the barn with me and whined when I paid attention to the horses. They watched over me as I tried to go to college and work. When I joined the Army, Kate moved with me so Atticus and Delilah could be close by when I was permanently stationed. The 4 months of training was the hardest for me because I could not see Kate and my pups.
The first day after training, when I did see them was the best day. Atticus literally tried to fit into the palm of my hand and Delilah wanted to sit in my lap like they had when they were pups. Kate took a picture of that moment and I remember the smile on my face and the joy that came from my eyes.
I miss that person.
Atticus, Delilah, and my Pops saw me through the loss of Kate. Then, a few months later, the pups saw me through the loss of my dad. The following year, I lost both of them. They were 10 years old and died 3 weeks apart. My heart had been broken 4 times in less than a full year.
It is funny when your heart breaks that much in such a short period of time, you lose the ability to really grieve each loss separately. It all gets lumped into one big pile of never ending sadness and grief. I never really talk about Atticus and Delilah because the deaths of Kate and my Pops would be "more relevant" or "more appropriate" to discuss by those societal standards I mentioned before.
A couple nights ago, I dreamed about Atticus and Delilah, for the first time I can recall. They are still watching over me, showing me the way, reassuring me, providing confidence, and letting me know, they will always be a part of me. It was such a comforting and meaningful dream.
I miss them. I haven't really allowed myself to miss them. I have always loved big dogs. Don't get me wrong, I love the pups I have in my life right now. They are comical, entertaining and comforting, but they are tiny. It is different having a big dog. I don't know exactly how to convey the feelings behind it.
What I do know is I am lucky to have Atticus and Delilah as a part of my story. I am lucky to have Boris as part of my story, as well as Snickers, and all the other dogs I have known. Each of them made me a better human being. They still push me to greatness.
Currently, there is Crusty, a Xoloitzcuintli (pronounced "show-low-eats-QUEENT-lee") or Xolo for short. He is teaching me patience, because he requires a great deal of calm and patience. He is a joyful, eager to please, funny looking, endearing, little sausage of a dog, who is needy and demanding of my attention. He came to me damaged and traumatized, which I understand on a deep level. I thought at first it was my job to heal him, but I am discovering in the past few days, he is also healing me.
He is a great dog and I am lucky to have him. I only hope he thinks the same.
Then there were the greatest of Danes, Atticus and Delilah. They were Fawn colored Great Danes given to me by one of the bikers who frequented the bar I worked in at night, while attending HS during the day. I have no idea what possessed me to say yes to taking them, other than their forlorn faces and my need for company of some kind. So, without thinking, I said "Yes, I will take them."
The fortunate part of the story is my apartment at the time was directly across from the HS, which allowed me to dash home and check on them when I had a break between my classes. I also had some really amazing teachers and administrators, who knew I was living on my own, working in a bar at night, and doing my best to finish HS, so there was a great deal of cooperation from them when I needed to check on the pups.
At night, I took them to work with me and watched the rough and touch bikers turn into small kids as they played with and laughed at the pup's antics. I was also able to elicit some dog sitters from the crowd when I had an away basketball game or other event that took me out of town. It was a small community that bonded over the dogs and turned into a mish-mosh family of misfits who wanted to watch the pups grow.
The bikers from that dive bar brought in dog food and helped pay for vet bills, watched them when I was out of town, and called me to check on them on my days off. I didn't know how much food they could go through in a day, so I am grateful I had those amazing people in my life
The pups grew and grew some more and before I knew it, I had a giant Great Dane, Atticus, who on hind legs was about 7.5 ft tall and weighed around 200 lbs. Delilah was close to 6 ft on hind legs and weighed close to 150 lbs. Imagine my 5' 4" ft. tall self walking 350 lbs of dog. It was entertaining for most people.
One of the tricks Atticus would perform was standing behind me, getting up on his hind legs and placing his front paws on my shoulder. He would then walk behind me like he was doing the conga line. Delilah just stared at us from her corner of the room.
Atticus and Delilah moved with me when I moved into my first partner's house, they went to the barn with me and whined when I paid attention to the horses. They watched over me as I tried to go to college and work. When I joined the Army, Kate moved with me so Atticus and Delilah could be close by when I was permanently stationed. The 4 months of training was the hardest for me because I could not see Kate and my pups.
The first day after training, when I did see them was the best day. Atticus literally tried to fit into the palm of my hand and Delilah wanted to sit in my lap like they had when they were pups. Kate took a picture of that moment and I remember the smile on my face and the joy that came from my eyes.
I miss that person.
Atticus, Delilah, and my Pops saw me through the loss of Kate. Then, a few months later, the pups saw me through the loss of my dad. The following year, I lost both of them. They were 10 years old and died 3 weeks apart. My heart had been broken 4 times in less than a full year.
It is funny when your heart breaks that much in such a short period of time, you lose the ability to really grieve each loss separately. It all gets lumped into one big pile of never ending sadness and grief. I never really talk about Atticus and Delilah because the deaths of Kate and my Pops would be "more relevant" or "more appropriate" to discuss by those societal standards I mentioned before.
A couple nights ago, I dreamed about Atticus and Delilah, for the first time I can recall. They are still watching over me, showing me the way, reassuring me, providing confidence, and letting me know, they will always be a part of me. It was such a comforting and meaningful dream.
I miss them. I haven't really allowed myself to miss them. I have always loved big dogs. Don't get me wrong, I love the pups I have in my life right now. They are comical, entertaining and comforting, but they are tiny. It is different having a big dog. I don't know exactly how to convey the feelings behind it.
What I do know is I am lucky to have Atticus and Delilah as a part of my story. I am lucky to have Boris as part of my story, as well as Snickers, and all the other dogs I have known. Each of them made me a better human being. They still push me to greatness.
Currently, there is Crusty, a Xoloitzcuintli (pronounced "show-low-eats-QUEENT-lee") or Xolo for short. He is teaching me patience, because he requires a great deal of calm and patience. He is a joyful, eager to please, funny looking, endearing, little sausage of a dog, who is needy and demanding of my attention. He came to me damaged and traumatized, which I understand on a deep level. I thought at first it was my job to heal him, but I am discovering in the past few days, he is also healing me.
He is a great dog and I am lucky to have him. I only hope he thinks the same.
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