No Noise Day...

Today, I sat with a lot of noise. Keep in mind, I was the only one who could hear it because it was all in my head. It seems the vivid dreams are causing a ruckus emotionally, which simply means there are emotions I need to process. 

The fuckery at the moment is Grief.

Just when I thought it was easing its way back out the door, BOOM it saw something shiny in those vivid dreams and decided, "Nope there is more fuckery to perform! I shall stay and see it done!" Grief is a bitch!

The thing about grief is I have seen people wear it almost like a second skin. It just becomes part of who they are and where they are in the process. I also see those same people coming around to a place of enjoyment in their lives. I see them smile again, laugh again, and take deeper breaths. Why is it I feel like I am always holding my breath, as if the air is still knocked out of me? I want to get back to breathing. 

Some things may never be answered. What I can answer is what I need right now and that is solitude and quiet. Tomorrow is going to be that day for me. I am tucking my phone away and keeping my computer turned off. I want and need to be still internally. The dreams are shaking me up inside and I need to bring about stillness. I need to let the emotions around the dreams settle. 

The way I plan on doing it is by utilizing some creative energy. I need to cover the wall mirrors in the basement, which is where my productive energy will be spent, while my mind relaxes into the mundane task of ensuring the paper is aligned correctly. I find those kinds of task just the thing for stillness. 

So, I will be back late tomorrow night or early Tuesday after having a no noise kind of day. I will check back in with you then, so you know I did not mummy wrap myself up in wallpaper or attach my dog to the wall!