Ten Years

Today is September 11, 2011... It has been ten years since the attacks on our soil, but for some, it feels like yesterday.

I am not turning on the TV to watch the news, memorials, or the political statements that will surely be made today. I can't deal with it on a raw emotional level. Today is hard enough, recalling my own memories from that day, it is too hard to take on the emotions of others, which is typical of me.

I have my own footage of the Pentagon, filmed a few blocks from my house. One section of the building split open, smoke billowing from the remains. I could zoom in and see the photos on the desk and wall on one side of the opening and on the other side, nothing but black.

The mayhem, the emotion, the fear, the blame, the call for revenge competing for the spotlight against the compassion, the worry, volunteering, and the outpouring of love for our neighbors run through my mind like a runaway train.

The silence on the streets of DC was unheard of and has yet to be repeated. I remember driving around that night, taking footage of the monuments and memorials, just in case we woke to find them gone.

My house shook so bad my dog would not come out from under the bed for 4 days when the plane hit less than two miles from my driveway. I remember trying to get into the area to help and being turned away because the area had been secured and no matter what credentials I showed, they were too afraid to open up and let more people help.

I remember Leslie going and being one of the first on the scene, which is who she was. I remember she didn't really want to talk about it after it was all said and done. I think she had been there for a couple of days, tending to everyone who needed help. Damn, I miss her today too!

I remember the phone lines being overwhelmed and not being able to reach my family, my friends, or my co-workers. I remember the worry I had for them and their families. Praying they made it out, knowing some would be lost.

I remember seeing the footage of the planes hitting the buildings... over and over. I don't need to see it today, it is still fresh in my memory.

I remember watching the news and seeing people jump from the towers, and realizing how that would haunt the people seeing it first hand for the rest of their lives, especially the rescue workers. It is still fresh in my memory, so I don't need to see it again.

I recorded most of the news because I knew at some point it would be too much for the American public and there would be a concern for the kids watching. The tapes are still upstairs, unwatched since that day.

I remember the outcry when they edited the footage and stopped showing everything.

I remember the footage of the towers falling and the sensation of my heart dropping to my feet.

I remember the speeches, the war cry, the invasion of Iraq, the lies, the way things changed and continue to change.

Are we safer and more secure?

What has the war, based on lies, cost us?

How have we changed for the better as a nation?

The last question is a big one huh? Because I don't think we have become better as a nation. I think all of these things have broken the bonds of brotherhood and have made us resentful, hate-filled, and intolerant against certain people in the world. In return, we have that reflected back to us, which makes us angrier, because "We" are America.  Doesn't make any sense, does it?

The lump-sum factor is what I call it and it is alive and well in the US. We as a nation seem to repeat this phenomenon throughout our history when it comes to race, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation or any other factor caught up in a political furor.

There isn't a single category of identification of a human life spared on 9/11. There wasn't a saving grace that day. Those who died that day spanned the spectrum of human life in every way.

Religion did not matter when the towers came down, at the Pentagon, or in a PA field.

Race did not matter when the towers came down, at the Pentagon, or in a PA field.

National origin did not matter when the towers came down, at the Pentagon, or in a PA field.

Gender did not matter when the towers came down, at the Pentagon, or in a PA field.

Age did not matter when the towers came down, at the Pentagon, or in a PA field.

Sexual orientation did not matter when the towers came down, at the Pentagon, or in a PA field.

We stood together in a lot of ways ten years ago. There was an appearance of "being in this together" and I wish we could get that feeling back, minus all the subtext of hate that lingered just below. Because at the end of the day, we are all in this together, regardless of any of those defining aspects of our lives.

We are all children of the same universe, and when we realize it, respect it and embrace it, we will be a better universe.